So drunk its hurt
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
