I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
