im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
