...so i touched it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
