I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
