I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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