so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
