It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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