it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
