My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
