I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So here I am, sexting at work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
