Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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