your room smells of hookers.
And success
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
