I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
