i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
why do cheetos always look like penises
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
