Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
