So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
