I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
