i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
