there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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