the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
