i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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