I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
