so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
