$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize