I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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