Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize