so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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