so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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