I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
