Non-Jews are for practice
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
