Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
