you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
