operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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