so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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