when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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