terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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