yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
