I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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