his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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