Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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