VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
