I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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