Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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