did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
