i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
