I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
