He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
