I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
