you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize