Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize