Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize