well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
