Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
