My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
