3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize