So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
