Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
