doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
