So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
