my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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