I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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