I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
