I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, beer. Big fan.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
