god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
