i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
