the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
