When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
