you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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