im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my shit smells like andre
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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