he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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