I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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