Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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